This all started with a random catch-up over coffee with my friend, Aga Alvian—a talented chef and someone who always has an interesting take on the food scene. Somewhere between the caffeine buzz and the small talk, he casually dropped a trend that made me pause:
“You know it’s mostly women who make fine dining reservations, right?”
My brain immediately hit rewind.
I thought about my past dinners, the occasions I’ve planned, the OpenTable tabs I’ve left open—and you know what? He wasn’t wrong. So, I asked, “Is that a bad thing?”
He smiled and said, “Not bad, not good—it’s just that most men don’t want to sit through three hours of small portions and deep conversations. We’re scared we might say the wrong thing, and then… what? Ruin the night? We don’t handle that kind of emotional landmine very well.”
Oof. Honest. And somehow accurate.
Let’s be real—men are still wired to be the hunter, the protector, the fix-it guy. Vulnerability? That’s a muscle they were never trained to use. Meanwhile, we women? We love a deep conversation, preferably over amuse-bouche and a silky glass of Burgundy. Add in a tasting menu and ambient jazz, and we’re ready to unpack childhood wounds and future plans before the dessert course hits.
The plot twist? Maybe we’ve been accidentally conditioned by all those reels of the “perfect couple”—you know, the ones where he journals, listens, cries, and still makes a reservation at the restaurant with a 3-month waitlist. Romantic, sure. Realistic? Not for everyone.This reminds me of a little experiment I did during Valentine’s Day. I stopped dropping hints and just asked straight up:
“Will I get flowers from you?”
And guess what? I got them. Because men, bless them, often just need clear instructions. Their brains are linear. If we want the flowers, maybe we just need to say it out loud.
So… maybe, just maybe, instead of insisting our partner joins us on a three-hour fine dining journey that feels like emotional Cirque du Soleil, we compromise.
Casual fine dining, anyone? A la carte, less pressure, no scripted vulnerability required. Still good wine, still good food, but maybe less of a relationship TED Talk.
Or… maybe there are men out there who enjoy fine dining as much as we do? The ones who can sip, savor, and talk without breaking into emotional hives.
If you’re one of them—hi, we’ve been looking for you.
If not, don’t worry. We’ll just book the table ourselves… like we always do.